well.
even after all these years, the memory of you still creeps up onto me. more good ones than bad ones these days. or am i just choosing to remember the good things about you so it would be less painful? do i miss you? sometimes. there will always be a part of me who keeps wondering what could've been. i remember how much i didn't want to let you go. i remember that i wanted you to stay. even though we have said things that were better left unsaid, even though i destroyed the bridge between us, letting the flames reduce everything to cinders, i still wish we ended things on a better note. but the reality is that i fucked it up, you've fucked it up -- we were never meant to last.
i thought we would be different. i thought we could make it. i thought we would have each other till this day. but alas, i was wrong. funny how visions of gideon is playing right now. if i had known that we were on borrowed time, i would've treasured the moments we had more. ending things was bittersweet. i was hoping for the relief to wash all over me, assuring that i made the right decision but it didn't come. regret has ruined it for me. i tried ridding anything tangible that reminds me of you. tried. i just went through my stash of letters and i realised that i only kept one of yours by accident. i remember throwing everything that reminds me of you out. i can't bear to see your face at times to the point i forget how you look like. the sinking feeling of disappointment when i can't find anything by you anymore. anything that you've written and given to me. for me, by you. again, regret comes rushing in when i realise that i have only so much of you to remember you by.
when a friend asked me whether i've fallen in love before. i immediately thought of you. but i can't be sure whether that is love or something else. you were always like a north star, shining from afar. you always had that effect over anyone. this magnetism that i was always envious of. people can't get enough you. and you didn't have to try while i tried so hard to fit in. you just blended into anywhere you find yourself. you looked so comfortable in the skins you wear that i forget that you are only human and will feel uncomfortable in situations. i placed you on the pedestal that you never wanted and when you fell from it, it was all my fault for placing you there in the first place. you are only human and i forgot about that.
i miss you even though i thought i don't anymore. i guess i will always be missing you. it's not all-encompassing as before but in pensive moments.
maybe it's best that i let you go.
let us go.
even after all these years, the memory of you still creeps up onto me. more good ones than bad ones these days. or am i just choosing to remember the good things about you so it would be less painful? do i miss you? sometimes. there will always be a part of me who keeps wondering what could've been. i remember how much i didn't want to let you go. i remember that i wanted you to stay. even though we have said things that were better left unsaid, even though i destroyed the bridge between us, letting the flames reduce everything to cinders, i still wish we ended things on a better note. but the reality is that i fucked it up, you've fucked it up -- we were never meant to last.
i thought we would be different. i thought we could make it. i thought we would have each other till this day. but alas, i was wrong. funny how visions of gideon is playing right now. if i had known that we were on borrowed time, i would've treasured the moments we had more. ending things was bittersweet. i was hoping for the relief to wash all over me, assuring that i made the right decision but it didn't come. regret has ruined it for me. i tried ridding anything tangible that reminds me of you. tried. i just went through my stash of letters and i realised that i only kept one of yours by accident. i remember throwing everything that reminds me of you out. i can't bear to see your face at times to the point i forget how you look like. the sinking feeling of disappointment when i can't find anything by you anymore. anything that you've written and given to me. for me, by you. again, regret comes rushing in when i realise that i have only so much of you to remember you by.
when a friend asked me whether i've fallen in love before. i immediately thought of you. but i can't be sure whether that is love or something else. you were always like a north star, shining from afar. you always had that effect over anyone. this magnetism that i was always envious of. people can't get enough you. and you didn't have to try while i tried so hard to fit in. you just blended into anywhere you find yourself. you looked so comfortable in the skins you wear that i forget that you are only human and will feel uncomfortable in situations. i placed you on the pedestal that you never wanted and when you fell from it, it was all my fault for placing you there in the first place. you are only human and i forgot about that.
i miss you even though i thought i don't anymore. i guess i will always be missing you. it's not all-encompassing as before but in pensive moments.
maybe it's best that i let you go.
let us go.
Comments
Post a Comment