Conflicted

Sadly, it's true and I agree that I wish it wasn't so. But that's the things about friendships or any relationships for that matter. As much as I wish all of my relationships with people would be all rainbows and sunshine but that's not how relationships work. Relationships are messy things and everything in life, you'll have to take the good along with the bad. 

Right now, I feel like my friendship with someone is exactly like that picture and it's sad. Such much as I want to salvage whatever friendship we have together, I feel like there's nothing left to save. I want to believe that this would work out eventually and we would laugh about it in the future. I don't want this to be the end. But I'm so sick of the bullshit that you put us through. I don't know. I'm fucking conflicted. UGH. At one point, I'm angry and I want to cut you off my life. Yet when I've calmed down, I feel like I'm overreacting and this is rather petty of me. This makes me want to tear my hair out. 

I feel like I'm not being a good friend because I should try harder to break down the walls around you and not just give up. At the same time, I feel that being a good friend is able to call you out when you're doing something wrong– in this case, it's nothing wrong per se, it's more of like you're not doing anything to show that you want to continue being friends, it's as though you're treating us like an option– a last resort and that hurt. 

I wish there's some manual for  life for me to read when shit like this happens. 

-Gloria

PS: Ignorance by Paramore is so relatable right now.