Ramblings of a rather average girl

it's been a while since i've written here. my ennui as represented through the previous posts prolonged through the new year (this includes the lunar one as well), the new semester (now known as the previous one – the worst one i've ever experienced in my academic career), and that emptiness managed to linger around during the early parts of my summer break. i would like to say that that emptiness is gone but who am i kidding? it hasn't but it's not as all-consuming as it was during the start of summer break (i didn't really have time to feel like shit during the semester because i was flooded with deadlines and juggling my time between work and school). just felt like writing once more because i've been neglecting that part of me for quite a while. i feel like writing is pretty similar to running. when one is constantly writing, they would be more familiar with the process and it doesn't feel as foreign when they first start out. it can be even fun, whi...

having a space that acts as a void is both comforting and lonely. despite me posting it on the internet makes whatever i say feels permanent (unless i delete them), it's comforting to be able to write the running thoughts of this weird brain of mine down without anyone i know peering at them. 50% is me not wanting to burden them with my thoughts that often are quite melancholic (so edgy ikr) and the other 50% is just me wanting to keep some things private. the loneliness probably comes after writing everything down and the written words stare back at you expectantly to do something. very much similar to pain, words demand to be read and hope to propel some action to be done. but typing to this 'void' doesn't really do anything so it feels quite empty. yet here i am still typing into this empty void in hopes it would relieve of the funk i'm experiencing. it feels like i've been trying to find myself since i was 13. like i'm on this endless search for an...