do we really have to do that?

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Well, this is me wondering and stuff. Very articulate, Gloria. Truly. Anyways, I was wondering– well, still wondering, who decided that one has to go through specific stages in life and deemed it's the way to life.

I get the first few stages of life like learning, going to school, making friends, spending time with family etc– since we're still quite new to the world. Unless you're some prodigy, genius kid or something or someone who is very self-aware– even then, we still guidance as we spend our time here on this earth.

I think it's when we're 16 or 17, then we get thrown into this whole, 'what are you going to do with your life' thing. If you put into Singapore context, I was 17 and I had to take a major exam that would greatly affect my future. And when I'm still 17, I had to pick what I want to do for the rest of my life. Bitch, I was 17, I still have difficulty of deciding on what to get for lunch, let alone a major life decision. Thankfully, I kind of knew what I wanted to do. And that was writing. I was not too picky back then but now, I clearly am leaning towards creative writing (cue in the 'so how are you going to earn a living doing that?').

Then I enrolled into a polytechnic where after 3 years (hopefully), I would receive a diploma in media and communications. After that, I was thinking of going into university because I want to study English– something that I wanted to study for quite a while. But what university you would ask. I don't have a freaking clue. You see, unlike an A level certificate where it's recognised around the world, I can't be too sure that universities outside Singapore would recognise it. As much as I want to study abroad, let's face it, I'm too broke to study abroad. In the past, I wanted to study in NYU but seeing that I could not afford the college tuition, that was out of the question. Plus, I'm an international student so... nope. So, I'm left with university options in Singapore– not too bad unless I factor in how bloody difficult it is to get into a local uni with my diploma.

My mom then suggested something: work. Ew. Okay, before you label me as a parasite to society, hear me out. I just don't feel ready and I have commitment issues that I need to work on. Hopefully, it would work out soon before internship or I'm dead.

I've digressed way too much, I apologise. What was I'm trying to say is that, life is like this to me right now:

school → more school → get a job → somehow in the middle of everything, get boyfriend/girlfriend and fall in love (hopefully) → get married → start a family → work to support the family and nurture the kids → work till you retire and your kids have grown up → retire and do whatever you want → death

Like who come up with all that and said, "Yes, this is how life is suppose to be."

Personally, I don't want to do that, I feel there's more to life than all that. This can't be the default setting to life. I do want some of the things I've mentioned above but not in this specific timeline. I don't know where this is going but I just want to express my feelings towards the future and its uncertainty. One mostly thinks about these stuff when the year is coming to a close. Or maybe it's just me.

- Gloria