wow, talk about hiatus

well, a lot of things have changed since i've last written here. i'm currently in uni and i'm a double major student doing english literature and art history. typing that still seems a little unbelievable to me. i think that tends to happen because as a young teenager, i always thought the idea of being an english major (not so for art history since i'm still fairly new to it) was a cool thing since most of the female protagonists in young adult fiction tend to land themselves into that role. also, i think my sentences are getting longer and longer as i progress in my university career. to the point where i have several tutors pointing that out and i should cut my sentences. so, i think i'm attempting to do so. clearly, the stream of consciousness is strong today but moving on. 

as one grows older, being pragmatic seems the right thing to do and idealism kind of fades but i know i'm still clinging onto it because if not, life is going to suck so much. not like i didn't know that in my teen angst years (that angst never left i think), it becomes more real as you know that you can't escape it. yes, rebel against the system but it seems rather futile at this point (in my current context – not exactly universal) since the system is proving itself harder to break with each attempt. again, moving on. 

shit happens as you grow up. i don't want to use the word 'adult-ing' (though i use in text conversations with friends) because it's just taking more responsibilities – basically what an adult is supposed to do. or any person who wants character development. so i'm currently trying to make peace with my circumstances instead of sulking all the damn time as i do back in my younger years (i will still complain from time to time because c'mon no one is cheery and positive 24/7 – no one wears rose-tinted glasses all the time). this doesn't mean i'm going to stifle all my feelings – nope. that shit wears you down eventually. i guess that's why i'm venting here because it's just pure word vomit at this point. no real direction or careful planning when i type these words. not how i usually approach writing when someone whom i personally know is reading. it feels like i'm placing a burden on them to check up on me (sometimes i do need it but most of the time, i'm spewing things just to get it off my mind so it's less cluttered). here, i'm just speaking to the void so at least i just ramble to the next century if i want to. 

so, i guess i'll be posting more since i got things i want to say but can't really find an avenue to unload all these thoughts in my brain. which means, don't really expect a coherent structure to these posts. totally riding on the modernists' way with this stream of consciousness. some might have some semblance of structure (or even a proper structure) but i feel it's going to be like this. a rambling piece of mess that i call my mind. not always a good place to be in at times. but, dealing with it. 

- Gloria

(ps: damn, i literally see how young i was when i look back at the previous posts)